What a Friend

This semester, I have noticed how some of my insecurities as well as longings have been amplified. For a while, I thought I was alone, but y'all, Jesus reminded me that I could not be more wrong. My whole life, I have wanted to have a deep, personal relationship with someone. But my insecurities have always made it hard for me to fully open up to anyone. So I just wanted to share with y'all some of the things I have learned over the past 2 months.

One of the biggest pills I've had to swallow is that I'm not weak if I confide in those closest to me. In high school, I had a hard time opening up to others fully because of some deep fears: fear of being judged, fear of no longer being wanted, fear of not being understood. If I'm being completely honest with you, this fear stemmed from a low self worth. I wanted approval and I wanted to be known by the world, and when I didn't feel like I got that, I felt alone. And it was during a time that I felt alone that God held my hand. One evening, I had decided to start a bible study that I had at home over old hymns and the first one happen to be over one of my favorites, "What A Friend We Have In Jesus." I highly recommend you go give it a listen if you get the chance (my fav version is by Alan Jackson). The main verse of this day's devotional was Psalm 25:14.

"The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes

known to them his covenant."

- Psalm 25:14

I then realized what God had been trying to tell me. He was reminding me that I should seek His approval above all others. That He wanted me and He understood. That the friend I had been looking for all my life had always been right by my side.

Later that evening, while listening to the Whoa That's Good podcast by Sadie Robertson Huff, I heard a piece of advice that I found so eye-opening. They were discussing how to have healthy relationships, whether it be dating, friendship, or family and Sadie quoted Jennie Allen's new book saying "you're only going to be as close to someone as you are vulnerable with them." This quote resonated with me because I have always guarded myself by not letting anyone get too close. I kept all of the bad times to myself because of my fears and low self worth. But this quote reminded me how God did not intend for anyone to walk through anything alone. There is a reason why He gave us a community in Christ, so that we have other believers to lean on.

Since then, I have worked towards opening up more to those who I am close with. Trusting that the Lord has given me these friends for a reason and that me being vulnerable is not going to scare them away. Most importantly, I have further learned the importance of my friendship with Jesus. He is not only available early in the morning or right before I go to bed. He is ready to listen when I am in the car or walking on campus, doing laundry or making supper. He's the friend who is always ready to listen and He wants a deep connection with me and you.

So if you take anything away from this post today, I hope that you seek the truest friend possible, Jesus. I hope that you seek friends who remind you of and point you to Jesus. I hope that you decide to go out and be the friend that someone else needs you to be.