Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me...

Whenever I was growing up, I was told in church "you are not suppose to date in high school." In fact, I remember being told that you are not suppose to date until you are ready to get married. And my parents always told me that dating has a purpose and its end goal is marriage, so there is truth to that. Thankfully, I was blessed with parents who were always there with me to help me through all the ups and downs of high school, including dating. And as I grew up, I was able to build my own views on the topic and I want to share a few things I wish someone had told me.

1. You should never be ashamed of your feelings.

Whenever Chance and I started dating at 16, I remember feeling overjoyed. He had been one of my best friends for several years and out of that, feelings had grown. I was beyond excited, but then the shame set in. I remembered being meticulous of who I was going to date. I knew that I wanted to be equally-yolked with him and I knew that I wanted him to have a heart for Jesus. Whenever Chance asked me out, I knew all of these things about him. But whenever I showed up to church after he asked me out, I was so consumed by worry and shame. Worry that my decision would be judged. Worry that showing my feelings would bring criticism. But let me tell you, there is no reason to be ashamed. Having feelings for someone, is never something to be ashamed of. The initial butterfly feelings of love are fun and exciting and I wanted nothing more than to celebrate it. I wish that someone had told me not to be ashamed so I'm telling you, don't be ashamed.

2. Your feelings are valid.

I was 16 the first time I told Chance that I loved him. But because of the anti-dating culture dating standards, I was once again ashamed to tell others about it. I was told that I was not old enough to "know what love is" and I felt that the love I had was invalidated because of my age. But I want other girls out there to know, that your feelings are real and that nobody can take that away from you. Now, was my love for Chance then the same as my love for him now? No, my love for Chance has grown and matured as time has gone by but I know that even at the beginning, it was the most real thing to me and that was all that mattered. I remember whenever I was 18, another mom asking me if I loved Chance and I froze, because I did, but I was concerned of what she might tell me or what she might think, for I greatly weigh others opinions, sometimes a little too much. When I shyly answered yes, she asked if I thought I was going to marry him, to which I again froze. She smiled real big, began telling me how her daughter was in love and was 100% certain of her future with her boyfriend. How refreshing! She offered no shame or guilt, only celebration of where I was and what I dreamed of. There were naysayers that had been around that did not acknowledge my feelings as real, and I will always remember how she made me rethink it all. From that point forward, I made a point to confidently answer others whenever I was asked questions about my relationship. I no longer tensed up whenever someone asked me about my hopes for a future with Chance. I was honest about how I was feeling. So to those who are reading, its ok to have hopes for a future, to feel in-love, and to want to share what you're feeling with others because it is exciting!

3. Guard your heart, even after you begin dating.

They always tell you in church about the importance of guarding your heart, but the solution that I was exposed to was to not date, which is one way to do it, but what do you do once you are dating? The first time I had heard about the importance of guarding my heart in the dating world, besides from my mom, was whenever I was a senior in high school. The older group was hearing this because we were about to go to college and we were all being prepared to enter the dating world. But the thing is, I had already been in it for 2 years, as well as several others who heard this talk with me. It was such important things that we had been told that day! Things like, making sure that you are equally-yolked, being sure not to "play house," and continuing to seek the Lord separately, before you seek Him together. I still cling to these things, but there is a part of me that wishes that I had been told these things up front rather than right before I was going to leave. Things like how important it was to keep my own identity, to guard my heart even as I cultivated a relationship with someone. I struggled with staying involved in friendships and it took me quite some time to find the balance between my life as an individual and my life with Chance. So to the younger girl reading this, continue to guard your heart, seeking God's will, and don't lose who you are for a relationship.

I completely respect that dating looks different for each person and for each family. But I also get that sometimes dating can be awkward, and I want others to know that when done with a guarded heart and strong identity in Christ, it can be a beautiful thing. I understand that my high school relationship is a statistical improbability but I never did put my faith in a number. Because I believe that when you are committed to someone and you both are first and foremost committed to Christ, things can work out for the better.