Not Our Home

I’ve walked through this week with a heavy heart. Missing loved ones when you live over 100 miles away is never easy. Since moving to college, a lot in my life has changed. Moving into a new apartment, meeting new people, joining a new church, navigating college classes, and starting a new job are just the tip of the iceberg that I now call life. By far, one of the hardest changes that I have had to face is saying goodbye to 2 of my grandparents and boy, I did not comprehend how much I could miss someone.

I lost my PawPaw on December 17, 2020 and my Memaw on February 15, 2021. I can remember the last conversation that I had with each of them, the last time that I heard them say “I love you,” and the last smile and hug that I ever received from them. People don’t fully understand the pain that you feel when you lose a loved one until they lose a loved one themselves. This pain feels suffocating at first and while it does not go away, you learn to live with it. I like to view it like this - if I hadn’t experienced such great love from them, I wouldn’t be as hurt. And for me, that mindset allows me to be ok because I would never trade the love that I shared with them. Today in my bible study, I was reminded of God’s many promises and how since the beginning of time, He has not once broken a promise. How wonderfully reassuring that is!

“Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If

anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture

said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’ ” But this He spoke of the Spirit,

whom those who believed in Him were to receive; for the Spirit was not yet given, because

Jesus was not yet glorified.”

‭‭ John‬ ‭7:37-39‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

We tend to think that when we lose a loved one, that it is goodbye forever, but because of God’s promises, that is not true for believers. For those who are filled with living water, we have hope for a future together with Jesus in Heaven. Looking back to a year ago, if I had not had this hope in Jesus and our future as believers, I honestly don’t know what I would have done when I lost them. I think it might have been too much to bare. And it might have been, but that is why we need Jesus. He picked me up, held me, and showed me how to continue on in life. This past week marks a year since the last time I saw my Memaw. The last time I heard her voice, hugged her neck, and got to enjoy her sweet presence. It is still unbelievable to me that a whole year has almost occurred without her and yet, the world has kept turning.

I am constantly amazed at how many reminders of God and his love surround me. While in the car this evening, the song “Scars in Heaven” by Casting Crowns came on and it was like a big hug from God. My Memaw and PawPaw were not in the best of health when they passed. It was hard to let them go but I knew that they were going to a better place where their earthly wounds would be no more. I’m not sure if knowing that made it any easier at the time because my heart was just not ready to let them go yet, but hearing this song was such a gentle reminder that they were made new in their deaths and I thank God for the ”Scars in Heaven that hold [them] now.”

It is sometimes hard to understand that there is a God out there who loves us so much, that He promises us an eternity with Him, just as long as we believe. But there is and how grateful I am for that hope in Him. To know that there is life after death. To know that this earth is not our home. And to know that we will see our loved ones again, just as long as we believe. And so even though I have walked this past week with a heavy heart, because of Jesus, I have also walked it with a hopeful one.