Live Now

So in my last blog post, I had mentioned how I am a planner. Being a planner is one of my qualities that I am most proud of truthfully. Planning events and gatherings brings me joy and I love being organized and knowing what to expect from my schedule. But there is a downside to being a planner by nature. I tend to get so caught up in planning my future whether it be the next month or the next 5 years that I miss out on moments that are happening right now.

I like most humans, have this need for control. Being in control of my surroundings brings me peace and makes me feel comfortable. I love the expected things in life: going outside and seeing the sun, knowing that I have the same work and class schedule each week, even being able to talk to my boyfriend every night on the phone. The repetitiveness is calming and means that there is one less variable in my day that I have to worry about. Whenever I was in high school, I did not handle change well, and I would freak out whenever a wrench was thrown in my plans. My mom had challenged me my senior year of high school to make my word for the year "adapt" so that I would focus more on being able to adapt when my plans changed. Because let's face it, the world is constantly changing and we have to be able to change with it or life will always be stressful.

I have recently been stressed about the future. I have reached that point in my college career where I am realizing that in 2 years I will be graduating and will have to go out into the real world and that is quite terrifying to me and yet, I am excited and hopeful for what the future will bring. There are so many unknowns about what God has in store for my future and like I've already said, the unknown has not really ever been a friend of mine. I'm having the realization that what I dreamt my future what look like growing up may not be the reality that plays out and that I need to figure out a way to be realistic while also not giving up on my dreams. I am having to find peace with the grey areas of life, with being ok with joy and stress co-existing.

I love how God is always working in our lives to reveal Himself and to remind us that He is in control. I was reminded yesterday that like Abraham did not know what God had in store for his future when God commanded him to leave his home, he had faith and went anyway. Abraham did what God told him to do that day and did not worry about tomorrow. Today I was reminded of a verse that I have had to continue to speak over myself.

Typically, when I am worrying about tomorrow, I completely miss out on the joys of right now. I allow my worry to control my life which is so enslaving and exhausting. I stay home instead of going out with friends; I stay up late worrying causing me to be sleep deprived; I lose my joy for the life that I have right now. My goal right now is to be able to have a healthy relationship with planning because it can be a good thing in moderation. This week, I am setting goals for myself in school, being present with my friends when we are together, and making plans for the weekend. I am going to soak up the sun and take time to be in awe of everything that the Lord has done in my life so far and still allow myself to dream about what He might do next while learning to be at peace with not knowing what tomorrow holds.

So today, I am choosing to continue to dream and work towards my goals, but I am not borrowing tomorrow's troubles and letting it stop me from living today. Today, I am going to be joyful in the Lord and what He has already given me. I am going to do my best with the tasks at hand for today and just trust that God has a purpose for this path that I am on now. I challenge y'all to slow down today and truly live and not just exist because we were put on this earth to live now not later.