Dream On

Some of you might identify as a dreamer or a planner and some of you may live your life day-by-day. I've always wanted to be the spontaneous friend. The friend who doesn't stress about much and who loves last minute plans. But if I'm being completely transparent with y'all, I'm just not that friend. I used to envy the people who did not seem to have a worry in the world and would wonder why I could not just stop being the detail-oriented friend, the Monica of the friend group. And these are all insecurities I have had to speak truth to as well as learn from since moving to college.

I have found so much truth in the saying "comparison is the thief of joy." Girls are so quick to compare themselves physically to other girls. I can remember as far back as middle school, comparing the way I looked to those around me and truth be told, I still do that sometimes. But in this season of my life, I have found that I have compared my personality to others more often than anything else.

I am the loud friend, the mom friend, the planner friend, the people-pleasing friend, and typically the serious friend. I struggle with laughing at myself and I don't handle change the best. And far too often, I find myself wanting to be more like the quiet friend, the laid-back friend, the go-with-the-flow friend, the adventurous friend and the funny friend. Wishing that I could be the person that everyone was drawn to. And like I'm sure some of you have experienced, I have had people not like me simply because I was being me.

When I feel like people don't like me, I have found myself trying to change myself so that I could potentially gain their approval. I would sit up for hours at night overthinking about all of the reasons why the person wouldn't like me and how I could "fix" those qualities within myself, but here's the thing, you can't change how others view you. You just can't. You can't always solve the problem. And while you can be sure that your natural qualities are coming across in a kind and joyful manner, you can't let others opinions of you completely change who you are. Sure, it is good for me to work on listening more and becoming more comfortable with silence, but I shouldn't stop talking completely just because someone else doesn't like that I am talkative.

Since acknowledging my own insecurities about who I am, I have began speaking truth over my own characteristics. I remind myself that I am also friendly, prepared, inclusive, and sincere. I try to form deep relationships with those in my life and if they aren't crazy about who I am, then I just remind myself that it does not reflect on me. I also remind myself that while I cannot completely change myself to please others, I also cannot expect others to change themselves to please me. I have noticed that the most sincere friendships are formed when both parties are allowed to be their true selves. So as I am still figuring out who I am in this world, I will work on allowing others to flourish in their own ways while I continue to dream on.